The Pregnancy Post

In case you have not heard, I'm pregnant. Here's a little more background than what showed up on Facebook. On Christmas Day I was SUPER sick!! I just knew I had the flu, despite the after hours clinic telling me the night before I had early signs of strep (even though the strep test was negative). If only they had tested me for flu. Anyway, at the hospital I had to tell them there was a chance I could be pregnant, but I really did not know if I was or not... it was too early for a home test to say yay or nay. Later the nurse came in and acted strange when I asked if I had the flu. Then the doctor came in and confirmed flu and pregnancy.

Once confirmed I sent these texts to Nate. He was at him mom and dad's with Brixton enjoying Christmas. I told him I could go to the ER by myself and not to come with me because I didn't want him to get sick.

It was hard to feel excited because I was so sick. I was also worried because here I am a girl with a compromised immune system, pregnant and with the flu, sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I tried to not let myself get too excited, too attached. Last year was really hard for me and I was and still am really afraid of going through that again. I try to give that to God daily, but admit it is really hard.

Just before the 6 week mark I had a really rough weekend, a weekend where I just knew that I was not going to be pregnant any more. I was convinced it was over. My doctor got me in early Monday morning (which counted as 6 wks exactly) and did an ultrasound and there was a little bean with a little heartbeat. It actually measured 6wks 6days. Fortunately, my doctor is really awesome and understands my fears and so he lets me come in all the time... well, every two weeks. The problems I had seemed to not be too concerning. They found a spot that would probably cause it and said I may have the issue for a while but to try to not let it worry me.

The next Friday, so not a full two weeks, I went back in and it was still there and still alive. At that point baby measured 8wks 1day (I was 7wks 4days by calendar).

Two weeks later, at 9wks 4 days by calendar, we went back in and saw this little one... measuring a full week ahead!

It was at that point we decided to go ahead and let people know. That, and my pants were getting tight and I really thought people at work would notice my belly starting to look pudgy.

We weren't sure when to tell Brixton, because again I was afraid of what we went through last year. I was more afraid of having to tell him if the baby died. We decided to just trust God has a plan for us and this baby and so we told him.

 
Last week I had another freak out moment following a really awful nightmare (I have had a lot of those) about the baby. I called my doctors office and the nurse told me just to come in first thing the next morning. My doctor actually wasn't there, but two of the nurses did an ultrasound. They were so sweet about it! They looked at everything. I saw little fingers, the face, baby's hands (which are up by it's face) and I may have even been able to tell if it's a boy or girl... we'll see. They did not measure the baby, but it is definitely big!

While I am really struggling with anxiety, I feel more hopeful than not at this point. The baby we lost did not measure as big as this one. It was big enough to matter, don't get me wrong, but this baby is already measuring beyond that one and so I'm trying to let go of that anxiety as much as I can. I would definitely appreciate prayers for a healthy baby and for me to be able to relax, trust God and enjoy this process. Fear is such a powerful thing. I have found peace in journaling and praying and certain songs.
I am technically 12 weeks today, which hopefully means baby is measuring about 13 weeks since it's always about a week ahead. I will go back to the doctor this Friday (it could change if it's snowing). Please pray for us as we get ready for that appointment.